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【GOH Activity】Myth and Limitation in the Intimate Relationship 2016/12/26
Ms. Chen gave the lecture“Myth and Limitation in the Intimate relationship” in GOH headquarter.

On December 14, the Garden of Hope Foundation (GOH) held the lecture “Myth and Limitation in the Intimate relationship” in its headquarter. “Myth and Limitation in the Intimate relationship” is the second lecture of the GOH activity “Muse or Myth of Happiness? Deconstruct the Gender Myths”. This activity has been held for two years to promote gender awareness to the public.

The lecturer was taught by the social work supervisor Peng-Qui Chen from GOH Taoyuan branch, who has been working more than ten years in this field. Ms. Chen started the lecture with the question “What is love?”. She defined a good intimate relationship should be “two imperfect persons are being equally authorized, and are able to be themselves without sacrifice”. In Taiwan, sacrifice is somehow considered as a proof of love, but Ms. Chen pointed out that it is actually an early sign of violence according to her professional experience.

The lecture used Shi-Di Episode II (the Taiwanese version of the Vagina Monologues) as teaching material. Through the play analysis, Ms. Chen leaded the participants to rethink the myths in intimate violence.

“Does love mean to give even the other doesn’t want it? If I give constantly, would someone love me in return one day?” Ms. Chen questioned. She then explained that love is equal and respect. When one gives too much, the other would feel choked. Control is not love. The selected act of Shi-Di Episode II, “My Best Friend”, represented perfectly to control in the name of love: endless calls, dress code, facebook tracking and constantly following. In the end of the act, the girl in the play married to her jealous, domineering boyfriend because she didn’t believe she would be happy without a relationship.

“Even sometimes it is hard, but we have to remember that we can be happy alone, and there are always choices.” Ms. Chen mentioned, “It is not easy, sometimes we are too fragile, but we can always do it well if we keep practicing.” From what she has seen during her service, the intimate violence survivors are hardly get out of the violence circle because they are too afraid to lost security and attention. These survivors forget they are actually independent and capable. They lost themselves in love.

“Maybe there is not a ‘right’ way to love because everyone is different. But we will finally find a comfortable status in our relationship by continuously practicing and communication.” said Ms. Chen. She encouraged everyone to “save for love: self-understanding, positive language, empathy, equality and communication. Remember these key points and practice them. You will manage a good intimate relationship.”

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